Young children have what is referred to as wishful thinking.

“I want it to be true so badly that it must be true.” They are not lying in the way an adult or older child sometimes will, and you must be careful not to call a very young child a liar or say they are lying. This makes them a bad person in their own eyes. You will end up arguing about whether something was true or not with a child who is past believing anything other than their fiction because they really want it to be true, and now their sense of being a good person is threatened as well.

It’s better to ask them what is real in a non-threatening manner so they can comfortably change their story without having to become a bad person.  Sometimes you are not going to get it out of them. Mentor and model at all times the need to say what’s real in situations on a daily, natural basis.  In a situation where the real event is not going to come out, it may be time for the toy to go away, the friend to go home, or to play quietly in a different area since things don’t seem to be going well right now. This ends the issue without assigning blame, other than to the circumstances, and the child will get your message about “real” anyway.

If you consistently turn telling what’s real into a teaching moment for why we don’t behave or do things, the child learns to trust that telling the truth is safe to do. This allows you to mentor children into more constructive behavior, and eliminates turning the dialog into an unwinnable argument over whether the child is lying or not.

Karen Hergert is the director for Morning Star School, Inc., a private preschool with campuses in both Kenmore and Woodinville. For information, visit www.morningstarschool.com.